Splatoon 1 actually had local multiplayer - it was 2-player only, but for those of us with kids, it was good enough. Split screen multiplayer in Splatoon 2/3 would’ve been great.
Pretty much nothing you said is true, it was not “designed from the ground up to be frustrating” and the other statements are too vague to even bother attacking. “Not even wrong” is the phrase that comes to mind.
You didn’t even mention an example of a game which would count as “something good”.
The fact that you can say “rougelike card games”, and we all know exactly what you mean, is precisely why we should name that genre. There are plenty of folks who want to seek out roguelikes and not be inundated with Slay The Spire clones. (I like them just fine, personally.)
FTL is what I’d call an Action Rogue, even though it’s pausable (and actually a lot, maybe all, Action Rogues are pausable).
I haven’t played The PIT - I need to look it up.
The idea of classifying based on progression is one of the most important ideas here, you’re right about that. But I also want to capture the idea that the core gameplay itself - grid combat, real-time, cards, JRPG-style battle screens, whatever - is important.